The Return of SCANDAL!

A new season of the improvised soap-opera SCANDAL! has started at Dad's Garage Theatre, and once again, I'm writing up the weekly synopses to catch people up on what happened in each episode. The first synopsis of the new season is up now:

It's SCANDAL!

Merry Christmas!

I have been remiss in posting, haven't I? Well, here's a little present from a couple of my friends from Dad's Garage Theatre Company. (Yes, that's right, I'm re-gifting it to you.) This is quite possibly the best thing to happen to the worst Christmas song ever...



Merry Christmas!

Happy Easter!

Happy (and creepy) Easter Greetings from Dad's Garage Theatre Company!

Merry Christmas!

I just had to pass this along: From Dana and Chris (of the Dad's Garage nonsemble), a holiday message gone awry.



(Not safe for family viewing, but possibly the best thing that's ever happened to that song...)

That Aquaman Has Some Mouth on Him

Last night, I caught the opening night of Chick & Boozy's Holiday Cruise, the midnight holiday show at Dad's Garage Theatre, featuring the return of Chick Starley (washed-up '70s action star) and Boozy the Imp (boozy imp).

The premise (as much as this cavalcade of chaos can be said to have a premise) is that we, the audience, are viewing Chick & Boozy's variety show on the cruise ship USS Tooter II, as our hosts bring us a motley assortment of acts. As a self-professed comic geek, the highlight for me was the presentation of Aquaman as an obscenity-spewing stand-up comic. Arthur, I never knew you had it in you...

There will be two more performances in the coming weeks (Dec. 13 and 20), and each one will be a little different, though I assume the basic acts will be more or less the same. In addition to the comedy stylings of Aquaman, other standout bits include the astounding magic act of Johnny Toast and his Lovely Assistant Eve (rockin' the Zatanna look), an audience-participation round of Match Game, a nauseating holiday recipe from Paula Dean, and Mike Schatz (of Aqua Teen Hunger Force) doing a musical number as John Denver, back from the dead to share an unspeakably filthy song.

Not for the faint-hearted or easily offended (as you might have guessed), but the laughs keep coming and the alcohol flows like eggnog.

Kids' Jokes for Foolio, Delayed Edition

I forgot to post the kids' jokes from last week's edition of Uncle Grampa's Hoo-Dilly Storytime (and I wasn't able to make it to today's show), but better late than never...

"How can a chichken get across the road when cars are coming?"
"Wait until its turn!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Who."
"Who who?"
"Are you an owl, Foolio?"

"Why did nobody cross the road?"
"Because nobody was in the town!"

"What do you call Foolio and Fritz surfing?"
"A hot dog with sauerkraut!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Chicken."
"Chicken who?"
"Chicken ran away!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
[dead silence]
"Nobody!"

"Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?"
"Because it didn't have the guts!"

"Why is velociraptor the fastest dinosaur?"
"Because it's the smallest!"

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"To get to the other side!"

"Why did the pencil roll down the road?"
"To get to Pennsylvania!"

"Who stole the soap out of the bathroom?"
"Robber ducky!"

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"So it could get run over by a car!"

Kids' Jokes for Foolio, 11-01

Today's assortment of jokes from the kids attending Uncle Grampa's Hoo-Dilly Storytime. (Foolio was wearing a Santa cap...because if Christmas decorations the day after Halloween are good enough for the stores, they're good enough for Foolio. This explains the abundance of Christmas-themed jokes in today's show.)

"How do you explode a dinosaur?"
"With dino-mite!"

"Why did Foolio eat Christmas?"
"Because Christmas is yummy!"

"Why do sharks only swim in salt water?"
"Because pepper water makes them sneeze!"

"Why did the nightmare go out before Christmas?"
"Because it was the Nightmare Before Christmas!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Banana."
"Banana who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Banana."
"Banana who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange who?"
"Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

"What did the insect say at Christmas?"
"Bah, humbug!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Turnip."
"Turnip who?"
"Turnip the heat, I'm freezing!"

Kids' Jokes for Foolio 10-18

Today's assortment of jokes from the kids attending "Uncle Grampa's Hoo-Dilly Storytime" (including a shout-out to new character Jambles the Donkey, seen on the poster below):

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"
"Police."

"Police who?"

"Police sent Foolio away!"

----

"Why did Jambles cross the road?"

"Because he was like 'Hee-haw!'"

----

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Candy."

"Candy who?"
"Candyman ice cream!"

----

"Why did the rocket go into space?"
"Because it wanted to see an octopus!"

----

"Why did Jambles go into a rocket?"
"Cause he wanted to go to Mars!"

----

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cow."

"Cow who?"
"Moo!"

----

"Why did the frog cross the road?"

"Because he was pinned to the chicken!"

----

"What's a ghost's favorite fruit?"
"Boo-berries!"

----

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"

"Leaf."
"Leaf who?"
"Leaf me alone!"

----

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"
"Orange."

"Orange who?"
"Orange you glad it's your birthday?"

----

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"

"Turnip."

"Turnip who?"

"Turnip the heat, it's freezing up here!"

----

"Where do you find a dog with no legs?"
"Right where you left him!"

Kids' Jokes for Foolio 10-11

From today's Uncle Grampa's Hoo-Dilly Storytime:

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"Cause the dragon popped up over the hill!"

"What kind of music do mummies listen to?"
"Wrap music!"

"What did the dinosaur say after the car accident?"
"I'm the sorest!"

"Why don't mummies watch scary movies?"
"Because they don't have any guts!"

"Why was the farmer running away?"
"Because he was getting chased by the pigs!"

"Why was the tree talking?"
"Because it was an idiot!"

"Why did the tree fall over mommy?"
"Because it was also an idiot!"

"Why did the vampire cross the road?"
"Because he was pooped!"

"Why did the snail cross the road?"
"So he could go get connected with the vampire!"

"What kind of cat should you never play cards with?"
"A cheetah! Because it cheats!"

Kids' Jokes for Foolio 9-27

Well, today marked the return of Uncle Grampa's Hoo-Dilly Storytime at Dad's Garage, and with it the return of that irrepressible joker, Foolio...and the jokes told by kids in return.

Today's assortment of jokes from the kids:

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Mill."
"Mill who?"
"Mill be sad 'cause your mom's here!"

"Why couldn't Andy Candy open a bakery?"
"Because he couldn't raise the dough!"

"Why did the chicken cross the playground?"
"Because he wanted to get to the other slide!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Dwayne."
"Dwayne who?"
"Dwayne the bathtub, I'm dwowning!"
(This joke was spoiled...or perhaps improved...when Andy Candy repeated it with "Drain" in place of "Dwayne.")

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"I am!"

"What flavor is furniture?"
"Chair-y!"

"Why did the chicken cross the other road?"
"So he could make some dough out of bacon!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"George Washington."
"George Washington who?"
"You don't know who George Washington is?"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Boo."
"Boo who?"
"Why are you crying, Foolio?"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Foolio."
"Foolio who?"
"Foolio's everywhere!"

A Busy Week Ahead

Well, the Labor Day weekend is almost upon us, and with it a plethora of special events. Of course, the big one for me is Dragon*Con, but there's also this...



...and as if Dragon*Con and an international improv tournament weren't enough, there's also the Drive-InVasion at Starlight Six Drive-In, and most mind-blowing of all, an in-person appearance/performance/screening by Crispin Glover at the Plaza Theatre! My geek-cup runneth over...

FWD>>

Running one more weekend at Dad's Garage:



For everyone who's ever had a nightmare of an office job.

Zombies! Gore! Show Tunes!

Opening with a special preview show tonight and continuing through July 5 at Dad's Garage Theatre Company:



SONG OF THE LIVING DEAD!

The End of SCANDAL! and the Start of...

I just finished posting the final SCANDAL! episode summary of the season over at the It's SCANDAL! blog...but that doesn't mean an end to that blog. In the weeks to come, I plan on going through my archive of synopses and posting the past seasons' escapades as well.

And, of course, the fun doesn't end at Dad's Garage either. Starting May 23, our new Friday Night thing is...well, this.

Kids' Jokes for Foolio: TTFN

Today was the final edition of Uncle Grampa's Hoo-Dilly Storytime of the season, so until it returns in the fall, here's the last installment of the Kids' Jokes for Foolio:

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Weenie."
"Weenie who?"
"Weenie who went into a basket!"

"What do you get when you cross a chicken, a poodle, and a cow?"
"Cockapoodlemoo!"

"Why did Foolio attack Phineas?"
"Because they're both the same!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Foolio."
"Foolio who?"
"Foolio has a snake on his head!"

"Why didn't the toilet cross the road?"
"Because it was pooped!"

"What did the dog say to the tree?"
"Bark!"

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"Because it wasnted to go to kindergarten and the second grade at once!"

"What fish lives in Heaven?"
"An angelfish!"

"A deer, a duck, and a skunk go into a restaurant. The deer said he didn't have a buck, the skunk said he didn't have a scent, so they put it on the duck's bill."

"Why did the elephant sit on the marshmallow?"
"So he wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate!"

Catching Up with Foolio & the Kids

Even though I haven't gotten around to posting them for a few weeks, I've still been dutifully recording the kids' awesome jokes from Uncle Grampa's Hoo-Dilly Storytime, so now I'll be making up for lost time. And away we go!

3-29

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"To save the world!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Who."
"Who who?"
"Sorry, I don't speak owl language."

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"So he could get a donut for the ostrich!"

"Why didn't the chicken cross the road?"
"Because he was chicken!"

"What do you call a deer with no eyes?"
"I have no idear."

"Why kind of shoes do you make out of bananas?"
"Slippers!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Interrupting cow."
"Interrup--"
"MOO!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Little old lady."
"Little old lady who?"
"I didn't know you could yodel."

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"So it could get hit by a car!"

"When is it a good time to go to the dentist?"
"Tooth hurty!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Boo."
"Boo who?"
"Don't cry, it's only a crying petition."

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"Because it had to go to the bathroom!"

4-5

"How do you know when a train is eating?"
"It goes 'chew chew'!"

"What kind of jam can you not eat?"
"A traffic jam!"

"Why did the clock go around the town?"
"Because he wanted to go to the dinosaur museum!"

"Why did the dinosaur cross the road?"
"To get to the other side!"

"How do you know when a tree is eating?"
"Because they don't eat anything!"

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"Because they don't eat anything!"

"Why did the eagle eat the fish?"
"Because he wanted him for dinner!"

"Why did Foolio cross the road?"
"To get to the trashcan with his jokebook!"

"Because he didn't want to!" (no set-up, just a punchline)

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cow."
"Cow who?"
"No, cow MOO!"

4-12

"Why did the cross cross the road?"
"Because he went on egg!"

"Dinosaurs weren't hit by meteors, they actually bumped into the moon!"

"Why was 6 afraid of 7?"
"Because 7 8 9!"

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"I don't know!"

"I just flew in from London, and boy, are my arms tired!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange who?"
"Orange you glad I didn't say apple?"

"What did the quarter say to the other quarter?"
"Will you marry me, mama goo goo?"

"Why were the stuffed animals at the birthday party not hungry?"
"Because they were stuffed!"

"What happened when the pig was injured?"
"He went in the hambulance!"

"Do you want to hear a construction joke?"
"Sure!"
"Well, I'm still working on it."

"Why did the turkey not want to take a plane to Colorado?"
"Because it was two blocks down the road, duh!"

4-19

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"To get a penny out of the floor!"

"Why are bananas never lonely?"
"Because they hang out in bunches!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"T. Rex."
"T. Rex who?"
"T. Rex eat you!"

"What did one duck say to the other?"
"You quack me up!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Tom Sawyer."
"Tom Sawyer who?"
"Tom saw yer underwear!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Volcano."
"Volcano who?"
"Volcano explode!"

"When do you put whipped cream on sauerkraut?"
"At the end of the show!"
(If you've ever seen Uncle Grampa's Hoo-Dilly Storytime, you'll understand.)

"How do you make a tissue dance?"
"You put a little boogie in it!"

"Why did the dog cross the road?"
"Because he was jumping on the train!"

"Where do you find a cold pirate?"
At the Arrr-tic!"

"Why do cows go to the movies?"
"Because it's the moo-vies!"

"What does an alien say to a gardener?"
"Take me to your weeder!"

"What do cats say when they get hurt?"
"Me-Ow!"

"Why did Foolio stick his hand in the volcano?"
"To get burned up!"

SCANDAL! Episode 7

Just finished the latest SCANDAL! summary and posted it on the SCANDAL! blog:

http://itsscandal.blogspot.com

A Friend on TV

I know I haven't been posting lately, except for the regular features I'd pretty much committed myself to ("VHS Vednesday," "What I Sang")...things have been pretty busy, and I've also been feeling a little down (not because of anything personal, just because of all the bad news that's gone down in the past few months, from Heath Ledger and Brad Renfro, to Steve Gerber and Dave Stevens, to the campus murders of Lauren Burk and Eve Carson--sorry, now I'm probably getting you down as well).

Anyway, I really need to lighten up, so I just thought I'd share some fun news. Tonight, a friend of mine--Jen Caldwell of Dad's Garage, JaCKPie, and Anna NicoleMiner's Daughter--is going to be appearing on "Tyler Perry's House of Payne" at 10:00 EST on TBS. I'll be watching!

It's SCANDAL! Episode 5

Earlier today, I finished the latest SCANDAL! synopsis and posted it on my SCANDAL! blog.

Sorry I haven't been posting the past few days...things have been pretty hectic for me. I don't even have time to write my usual "VHS Vednesday" review this week, but hopefully I'll be able to get back into the swing of things soon.

BaconFest!

Today at Dad's Garage: The return of BaconFest!