What I Sang 4-28

From tonight's karaoke at CB South:

"Shakin'" by Eddie Money.
"Goody Two Shoes" by Adam Ant. (Note to fans of '70s cinema: Check out Caroline Munro as the reporter in the video!)
"Never Gonna Stop" by Rob Zombie.

Kids' Jokes for Foolio: The Final Chuckle

Well, today was the season finale of "Uncle Grampa's Hoo-Dilly Storytime" at Dad's Garage, so Foolio will be taking a sabbatical until the fall. Here, then, are the last "Kids' Jokes for Foolio" for a few months:

"There was a daddy tomato and a baby tomato walking down the street, and the daddy tomato got far ahead, and he looked back at the baby tomato and said 'catch up.'"

"Why do gorillas have big noses?"
"Because they have big fingers!"

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"Because he wanted to get on the other side."

"Why did the boy throw his clock out the window?"
"He wanted to see time fly."

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Ghost."
"Ghost who?"
"Go stick your head in a cabinet!"

"Why pigs have lipstick and never talk?"
"Foolio!"

"What kind of witch lives in the sand?"
"A sandwich!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Who."
"Who who?"
"Are you an owl?"

"Who's a teenager in the 8th grade who's 14 and turning 15 in May?"
"Sienna!"
(I think Sienna may be exaggerating her age somewhat...)

"Why did the turtle cross the road?"
"To get to the Shell station!"

"Why did the elephant cross the road?"
"Because the chicken was on vacation!"

"How come a policeman is so strong?"
"Because he can hold up traffic!"

And the final joke of the season:

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"I wish Foolio was dead."

Another Quick Comment

A very interesting revelation in this week's JSA Classified:

Alan Scott's voice sounds like Robert Mitchum's.

I wouldn't have thought of that...I don't think I ever gave it much thought, but I would've imagined Alan Scott's voice as closer to Henry Fonda's or Ralph Bellamy's...maybe even Alan Ladd's (and not just because of Martin Nodell's statement that he'd originally intended to name the character Alan Ladd as a play on "Aladdin"). However, the similarity to Mitchum pushes GL's already-high cool factor right through the roof.

I would've thought Wildcat was a more likely candidate for a Mitchum voice...but if Alan's got Mitchum, I suppose Ted Grant sounds like John Garfield. Which is pretty damn cool, as well.

A Very Quick Post

Best line of the week:

"Okay, long version. Seriously." -- Blue Beetle #14

Also, just wanted to share this SAT-style analogy that came up during last night's "Thesis to Pieces" at Dad's Garage:

"Roses are to bricks as anvils are to Batman."

Discuss.

Daisey, Daisey

If you're involved with the theatre community at all, you've probably already heard about the Mike Daisey "Invincible Summer" incident...if not, you can read about it on Daisey's website, the American Repertory Theater's site, and John (The Daily Show) Hodgman's blog, among other places--and you can view the incident here. Warning: The video contains strong language. If you are offended by such language, please do not express your distaste by pouring water on your computer.

I can't help but recall a similar (but much milder) incident I experienced at Dad's Garage several years ago. The Neo-Futurists were visiting from Chicago, performing their show "Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind." I was working the concessions before the show when a woman came up to me with the "menu" of short plays they'd be performing. She pointed out one of the titles: "Don't F*** with Another Man's Cream Soda" (except that the title was actually spelled out in the program). She said that she'd been told that the show was appropriate for all ages, so she was surprised to see that word. I replied that I didn't know who she had talked to, but I warned her that the show did indeed contain strong language and adult themes. She repeated that she'd been told that it was appropriate, then went inside. Sure enough, very early in the show--just at the start of the play "David Mamet Explains Neo-Futurism" (I think that says it all)--she took her family and left the theater. Not nearly as disruptive, and certainly not as destructive, as what happened with Mike Daisey, but still kindred spirits. I still have to wonder...after she saw the F-bomb in print in the program, and was warned face-to-face about the language, how could she still cling to her "I was told it was appropriate" position?

Martika Summarizes World War III

Step by step, heart to heart,
Left right left, we all fall down...
Like toy soldiers.
Bit by bit, torn apart,
We never win, but the battle wages on...
For toy soldiers.

(This summary could also apply to "Infinite Crisis," "Civil War," or just about any big crossover, for that matter...)

What I Sang 4-21

From last night's karaoke at CB South:

"Pressure" by Billy Joel.
"Devil Woman" by Cliff Richard.
"Killer Queen" by Queen.
"Incense and Peppermints" by The Strawberry Alarm Clock.
"The Fanatic" by Felony (sorry, doesn't look as though the video's currently on YouTube).

Kids' Jokes for Foolio 4-21

Didn't have a chance to post earlier, but here's what the kids had to say at yesterday's "Uncle Grampa's Hoo-Dilly Storytime":

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"European."
"European who?"
"European on my flowers!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cargo."
"Cargo who?"
"Cargo beep-beep!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Palm tree."
"Palm tree who?"
"Palm tree, someone sticks your hand in it."

"Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?"
"Cause it ran out of juice!"

"Where's a good place to shop for a new cat?"
"In the cat-alog."

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"The dolphin man."
"The dolphin man who?"
"Foolio!"

"What kind of band-aid do you put on a banana?"
"A banand-aid!"

And finally, a single statement:

"Like a lima bean!"

Always Remember: The Uncle Grampa Edition

Okay, I think I've got this thing out of my system now...

A Palindromic Memorial

Oh no. Don Ho.

What I Sang 4-14

"Moonlight Feels Right" by Starbuck (inspired by this semi-recent post by MaryK).

Kids' Jokes for Foolio, 4-14

This week's offerings from the kids:

"What's red & white & black all over?"
"A newspaper!"

"Who's a teenager?"
"Hannah Montana and me also!" (Not so much a joke: Regular attendee Sienna just turned 13 and had to brag about it.)

"What's black & white & red all over?"
"A sunburned penguin!"

"How do you make a Kleenex dance?"
"Put a little boogie in it!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Boke."
"Boke who?"
"Sorry, I don't speak French."

"Why do knees break?"
"Because tape comes off!"

"What plays Phineas J. Monkey and tells the worst jokes?"
"Foolio!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Ship."
"Ship who?"
"I don't need shampoo, I just bought some!"

"What do you give a banana with a bruise?"
"A banand-aid!"

April March IS Rita Farr!

What I Sang 4-9

I didn't have a chance to post earlier, so here's a somewhat delayed report on last night's karaoke at the Star Bar. I went there and hung out with several friends from Dad's Garage, including a special guest...mc chris, who was in town for the night for the "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" movie premiere. He did one of his own raps, using the karaoke (Journey, if I recall correctly) only as the backing music. Incredibly cool.

My own songs for last night:

"The Distance" by Cake.
"Dragula" by Rob Zombie. (I had seen "Grindhouse" that afternoon and felt compelled to do a song that tied in with it in SOME way...I would have done April March's "Chick Habit" if it were available in karaoke form.)

RIP Johnny Hart

I just read the news that Johnny Hart, creator of "B.C." and "The Wizard of Id," passed away yesterday at the age of 76.

I remember having a bunch of B.C. paperbacks when I was a kid...when he was at the top of his game, it was one of the funniest comic strips around. I still have a bunch of punchlines floating around my head. ("Beat me to a pulp, baby!" "WHAM WHAM WHAM!" "So much for reverse psychology.")

Rather than dwell on how both Hart and the strip changed in later years, I'll just share one of the most famous strips from its entire run.

Happy Easter!

Kids' Jokes for Foolio, 4/7

Here's this week's selection of jokes from the kids:

"What did the baby porcupine say to the cactus?"
"'Are you my mommy?'"

"Why is 6 afraid of 7?"
"7 8 9."

"What did the baby cat say to the baby dog?"
"'You're funny.'"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Foolio."
"Foolio who?"
"Foolio gots a snake on his head!"

"Why does a cactus talk to 6?"
"Are you my mother?"

"When did you have a dog, Foolio?"
"A hundred years ago."

"What plays Phineas J. Monkey and has the worst jokes?"
"Foolio!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Thrasher."
"Thrasher who?"
"Aren't you glad I'm not a Thrashers hockey player?"

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"It couldn't!"

"Why didn't the chicken cross the road?"
"He was too chicken."

A Meme and a Dream

I haven't had much time to post recently, so I'm a little late with my contribution to this meme from Ye Olde Comick Booke Blogge.

Also, while it's on my mind, I wanted to mention a dream I had last night. Sometimes, my dreams are like watching a movie, in which I'm not directly involved...last night, I dreamed up a movie starring a young Jeff Goldblum as a misfit college student who finds himself blamed for a series of murders (actually committed by a psychotic Gerrit Graham) and has to prove his innocence. The only specific detail of the dream-storyline I can recall was the final confrontation between Goldblum and Graham, in which the wire mesh from a rabbit hutch got torn off and both the hero and killer were trying to stab each other with it.

The dream was a weird mishmosh of times...the actors' ages put it in the early '70s, the style was typical '80s slasher, but I remember there being modern cell phones in it. All I know is that, if this movie existed, I would rent it in a heartbeat.

(And I haven't seen Grindhouse yet, but I'm sure it was the primary influence for this subconscious concoction...)

Kids' Jokes: April Foolio Edition

Well, it was indeed a full day of fun at BaconFest yesterday, with great bands (Pistolero, Three Dog Stevens, Flyght Rysk, and Attractive Eighties Women), good food, and incredibly silly games and activities. I particularly enjoyed "Dorothy's Shoppin' Cart Ride," which consisted of sitting in a shopping cart and getting rolled towards a dumpster by Amber Nash's Scandal character, and Lucky Yates' "Peep Show"--a puppet show using Marshmallow Peeps on sticks.

But before BaconFest, there was Uncle Grampa's Hoo-Dilly Storytime (this week's story: "Hansel and Gretel...in SPAAAAACE!"), with the usual assortment of jokes from Foolio and the kids:

"Your hat's gonna go on your eyes!"
(That was the kid's joke in its entirety.)

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Choo-choo."
"Choo-choo who?"
"Chugga-chugga choo-choo bubble gum!"

"What is a key that starts with the letter J and is in a tree?"
"Foolio!"

"What do you get when you cover a cow with popcorn and cole slaw?"
"Corned beef and cabbage!"

"Beep-beep!"
"Who's there?"
"Beep-beep goes the butt!"

"Why did the pigeon cross the road?"
"Because he wanted to get to the playground!"