Friday Night Fights: Audit This!

I've used these scans before, but I just had to post them again to mark the opening of "A Very Merry Unauthorized Children's Scientology Pageant" tonight at Dad's Garage. Tonight's Friday Night Fight: L. Ron Hubbard vs. Del Close!

Bahlactus is off the E-meter!

Come On Feel the Silence

And now, a moment of noize in memory of Kevin DuBrow:

What I Sang 11-24

Tonight's offerings at CB South:

"Breakdown" by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers.
"Sister Christian" by Night Ranger.
"The Passenger" by Iggy Pop.
"Teenage Dirtbag" by Wheatus.
"Don't You Want Me" by The Human League (a duet with Jessica the Destroyer).

Friday Night Fights: Shag Is Hateful...Cruel!

It's Friday Night Fights time again, and I still can't get away from that Ditko "Not the Creeper" story. Here's the climactic showdown between Shag and Ugly...

Just like that, one kick, one panel, it's all over! Now that's a sucka punch!

Hateful...cruel? Bunny Boo's got nothin' on Bahlactus in that department!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Let's celebrate the day by looking back and remembering when "B.C." was funny...

B.C.: The First Thanksgiving Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

And Now, Context!

I thought I'd let the enigmatic glory of that "Bunny Boo" panel simmer for a few days, but now I'm ready to explain it. The panel comes from "Shag and the Uglies," one of the stories in Renegade Press' Ditko's World #1. As the title page explains: "A device implanted in Jay Oaker enables him to become...SHAG!"

Hmm...that cape-thing...security at a TV station...a transformation triggered by an implanted device...okay, let's come right out and state the obvious. This was clearly originally meant as a Creeper story that never saw print. I don't know whether the story was rejected by DC, or whether Ditko just decided to change the names and keep the copyright...whatever the case, I'll just concern myself with the story, rather than speculate on the behind-the-scenes stuff.

Jay Oaker (or, as I'll call him, Not Jack Ryder) is working at the station during a rehearsal for a special starring spoiled prima donna Bunny Boo. (Note that panel in the lower left corner...it contains some information, both verbal and visual, that'll come into play later on.) The station manager's creep of a nephew, Nepper (love those Ditko names!) tries to bribe Not Jack Ryder into arranging a meeting with Bunny Boo. NJR responds by putting Nepper's money where his mouth is, literally. However, before NJR can deal with the consequences of humiliating/assaulting his boss' nephew, a real emergency comes up when Bunny's song is interrupted by the arrival of a grotesquely-masked intruder, shouting that immortal line.

Not Jack Ryder springs into action, transforming into Not the Creeper. NtC manages to protect Bunny Boo from her assailant, but a kick to the head stuns him long enough for the masked man to escape. As the dust settles, Not Jack Ryder (having slipped away and changed back before he was missed) speculates that the attack might have been a publicity stunt; before he can complete his sentence ("...but I don't believe it"), he gets this reaction from the outraged Bunny Boo.

Oh, NJR...I don't care if she IS hateful...cruel, that's just not right.

She storms off in a rage (which seems completely justified to me, no matter what Ditko wants us to think of her). Later, a mysterious figure meets Nepper and offers to get him alone with Bunny...as well as a chance to get back at NJR.

Meanwhile, NJR is out walking. He sees an ad for a headache medication called "Headoh," and the advertisement's swollen head gives him an epiphany: The attacker's "ugly" motif isn't actually ugliness per se, but distortions.

Nepper meets Bunny Boo is a room filled with bizarre sculptures. (As Chris K observed, Ditko disdains modern art, yet even while he mocks it, the "modern art" he draws is awesome.)

(Remember that panel from page 1: "Fed's costumes, Gobo's sets, and Wad's effects will be ready.") You see, Gobo has held a grudge against her since they went to art school together. Gobo knocks Bunny Boo unconscious just as NJR arrives (having made the connection between the attacker's grotesque mask and the TV special's distorted-building sets). Before entering the room, NJR transforms into NtC, and defeats Gobo in a single panel. Bunny comes to; seeing NJR (returned to his normal appearance) as her rescuer, she is so filled with gratitude that his earlier mistreatment is forgotten.

But not forgotten for long. (That's STILL just not right.)

Maybe...but probably not.

What I Sang 11-17

From last night at CB South, a couple of tunes in anticipation of the upcoming holiday:

"I Thank You" by ZZ Top.
"Thank the Lord for the Night Time" by Neil Diamond.

Kids' Jokes for Foolio: Farewell for Now

From yesterday's "Uncle Grampa's Hoo-Dilly Storytime," the last bunch of jokes from the kids until the show returns in February. (Until then, you can bask in the bad-joke glory that is Foolio at his MySpace page.)

Take it away, kids!

"Why did the lion get on Foolio?"
"Because the lion gets him!"

"What food is good for your eyes?"
"Fred! Get it? Fred!"

"What does a ghost call ice cream?"
"Ice scream!"

"What time is it when Foolio tells a good joke?"
"The end of the world!"

"Why was the dog hot?"
"Because it was a hot dog!"

"Why did the dog cross the road?"
"Because he wanted a bone!"

"Why did the chicken cross the street?"
"Because it was the chicken's day off!"

"What did the cat say when it got its favorite fish dinner?"
"Purr-fect!"

"Why was Foolio named Foolio?"
"Because he was fooled by a chicken!"

"What looks like a cat but isn't a cat?"
"A kitten!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Atch."
"Atch who?"
"Gesundheit!"

"Why was 6 afraid of 7?"
"Because 7 ate 9."

"Why did the lion jump on Foolio?"
"Because Foolio's a pickle!"

"Hey Foolio, you got a pickle on your head!"

"Why did the stegosaurus devour the factory?"
"Because it was a plant-eater!"

"What did the pig say when his side hurt?"
"Oh, my achin' bacon!"

"How many animals did Moses bring on the ark?"
"None! It was Noah!"

And Now, an Important Message from Steve Ditko

From Ditko's World #1, May 1986 (Renegade Press)

Quick Question

I didn't read the book out of indifference (I've never really gotten into The Authority that much, and WildC.A.T.S. not at all), but with all that's been written about Chuck Dixon recently, I just want to ask...what exactly was so bad about Grifter and Midnighter?

Busy Weekend

Haven't had much opportunity to post this week, and the weekend is looking to be just as busy...tonight, I'll be going to Sketchworks for their "Sketchapalooza" Best-Of show (its closing weekend, if anybody out there wants to see it), then Saturday morning will be the closing episode (until February) of "Uncle Grampa's Hoo-Dilly Storytime." Saturday night, I may or may not be able to make it to Brian Bannon's "Inside Voice" stand-up show at 7 Stages...but I'll give Brian a shout-out just in case.

Half-Remembered Ditko

I've been trying to remember the details of a Steve Ditko comic that is maddeningly vague in my memory. All I can remember about it is the hero's boss, a considerably more genial J. Jonah Jameson type who spoke in abbreviations that only made sense to himself, requiring footnotes in just about every panel. The one that sticks in my mind: Preparing to spring into action, he proclaims "It's time to RATTAT!" ("RAlly To The ATtack")

I can't even remember the hero himself, just the acronym-spewing boss (which shows how much of a scene-stealer this guy was). Can anyone refresh my memory on this one? More importantly, can we compile a list of all the boss' abbreviations?

What I Sang 11-10

For Veteran's Day:

"The Ballad of the Green Berets" by SSgt. Barry Sadler.
"Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B" by The Andrews Sisters.
"In the Navy" by The Village People (or by The Muppets).

Kids' Jokes for Foolio 11-10

The kids had a lot of jokes today, and they wouldn't let Larry get back to the show until they'd told them all.

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bird."
"Bird who?"
"Bird that ate a banana."

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"You."
"You who?"
"I'm right here."

"A scary joke in a bottle!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Mississippi."
"Mississippi who?"
"Mississippi diaper pain."

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange who?"
"Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

"What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's wife drive?"
"A Minnie-van!"

"What has four wheels and flies?"
"A garbage truck!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Boo."
"Boo who?"
"Don't cry, baby!"

"Flying wheels!"

"What do you get when you cross a skunk with macaroni?"
"Skunkaroni!"

"What did the mama ghost say to the baby ghost?"
"Stop gobblin' your food!"

"How did the chicken cross the road?"
"By rolling!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Banana."
"Banana who?"
"Banana why can't you get the truck?"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Interrupting cow."
"Interrupting c--"
"MOO!"

"Why did the chicken cross the playground?"
"To get to the other slide!"

"What do you get when you cross a dog with a rose?"
"A collie-flower!"

"Why did the tree talk?"
"Because he's a cat!"

"How did the duck cross the road?"
"In a duck diaper!"

"Who crosses the road on his head?"
"Foolio, with a nut on his head!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Boo."
"Boo who?"
"Don't cry, it's only a joke!"

"Why did the castle fly?"
"Because he wanted to get to space!"

"Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?"
"He didn't have the guts!"

What I Sang 11-3

Reliving last night's They Might Be Giants concert by singing a couple of songs that they performed during the show:

"Birdhouse in Your Soul" by They Might Be Giants (duh).
"Maybe I Know" by Lesley Gore (that's right, TMBG did a cover of this one).

Kids' Jokes for Foolio 11-3

Today's installment of "Uncle Grampa's Hoo-Dilly Storytime" was of particular interest as an illustration of memes in action: After the first kid told his joke, almost all of the rest of them used variations of the same set-up. Here we go!

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"Because he has a hair!"

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"To get to Chik-Fil-A!"

"Why did the gum cross the road?"
"Because he wantes something sweet!"

"You could put an orange on your head and not have hair." (Observational humor, I guess...)

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"To get to the other side!"

"Why did the man throw the clock out the window?"
"Because he wanted to see time fly!"

"Why did the cow cross the road?"
"To get to the moo-vies!"

"Why did the sun bounce off the glass?"
"Because he wanted to catch a mouse!"

"Why did the cow cross the road?"
"Because he got run over by a car!"

Everyone Wants to See That Groovy Thing

Tonight. The Variety Playhouse. They Might Be Giants.

In the words of Franklin Richards, "Yaybo!"