Friday Night Fights: Ain't That Peculia

It's Halloween! It's Friday Night Fights! It's Ladies' Night! Put them all together, it spells "Time for Peculia to kick some vampire ass!"

(From Richard Sala's Peculia and the Groon Grove Vampires.)

(Bahlactus is out for blood, sucka...or maybe he's out for blood-suckas. Six of one...)

Friday Night Fights: Vixen vs. Frankenstein!

With Halloween only a week away, how better to observe Friday Night Fights that with Vixen landing a solid punch to the jaw on the Frankenstein Monster?

(From DC Universe Halloween Special's story "Role Model," written by Eric Wallace with art by Tony Shasteen.)

(Bahlactus ain't scared of no stitched-up monsters!)

Friday Night Fights: Stop or I'll Dance!

It's been way too long since I've participated in Friday Night Fights, but I'm back in action. Tonight's Ladies' Night bout, from the twisted brilliance of Steve Gerber and Jack Kirby's Destroyer Duck #2: Medea Souvlakis vs. Woblina Strangelegs!

(If Medea is Mommie, then who's your daddy? Bahlactus is, natch.)

Friday Night Fight: Lights Out!

Hey, Lamplighter! (tap-tap on the shoulder...)
SUCKAPUNCH!

(From Green Lantern #60, five fingers of shock for Bahlactus, and two cheeks of awe for SallyP)

Friday Night Fights: A Sack of Jello with Ears!

From Ditko's World #2: Mr. Quiver shows why he's the Ultimate (Friday Night) Fighting Machine.

That's right, it's a double-edged shout-out to Bahlactus and Blockade Boy!

Friday Night Fights: Audit This!

I've used these scans before, but I just had to post them again to mark the opening of "A Very Merry Unauthorized Children's Scientology Pageant" tonight at Dad's Garage. Tonight's Friday Night Fight: L. Ron Hubbard vs. Del Close!

Bahlactus is off the E-meter!

Friday Night Fights: Shag Is Hateful...Cruel!

It's Friday Night Fights time again, and I still can't get away from that Ditko "Not the Creeper" story. Here's the climactic showdown between Shag and Ugly...

Just like that, one kick, one panel, it's all over! Now that's a sucka punch!

Hateful...cruel? Bunny Boo's got nothin' on Bahlactus in that department!

Friday Night Fights: Barda Remembered

Now this is what Big Barda was like: No, you bumbling hams, nothing could take the fight out of her.

(I didn't have a copy of Mr. Miracle #4 handy to scan myself, so my apologies and acknowledgment to Sleestak for poaching the panel from his post.)

(And Bahlactus wields a mean Mega-Rod himself...)

Friday Night Fights: Hippy Hippy Shake-Up

I have to participate in Friday Night Fights, but I'm still so blissed-out from last night's outpouring of love at Dad's Garage. How can I think of fights when love is all around me (and so the feeling grows)? I just have to ask myself, "What Would David Angar Do?"

(Bahlactus can feel the love tonight...)

Friday Night Fights: Round 7

I'm probably not the only person to scan this panel for this week's Friday Night Fights, but come on...kicking Jetpack Hitler in the face? How could anyone resist?

(Thanks to Bahlactus!)

Friday Night Fights: Blood & Gutz

From Savage Tales #1 (1985): Blood makes his feelings known. Written, drawn, and lettered by the tragically short-lived Will Jungkuntz.

(Bahlactus knows what Blood & Gutz are all about...)

Friday Night Fights: That's Using Your Head

I actually have to commend writer Melanie J. Morgan for not having Nick make the obvious "using your head" quip. I, on the other hand, am totally shameless.

(Heads up for Bahlactus!)

Friday Night Fights: Longbox Attack!

What's better than a guy getting pummelled with longboxes? A guy getting pummelled with longboxes whose labels make sight gags!

(Bahlactus keeps the bouts in mint condition...)

Friday Night Fights: Figure Out What to Do on the Way Down!

Tonight's fighter is a man who tread the boundary between fiction and reality (in more ways than one). A brilliant actor and teacher in one world, a genuine comic book character in another: Del Close. A pioneer of improvisation...an influential member of Second City...inventor of The Harold...and the co-writer of DC's late '80s anthology title Wasteland. And, as seen in that title's autobiographical tales, a man who'd seen more than his share of action. Tonight, he takes all comers!

Del Close vs. a creepy psycho!


Del Close vs. a heckler!

Del Close vs. his cat!

Del Close vs. L. Ron Hubbard!

And finally...

Del Close (tag-teaming with John Ostrander) vs. YOU!

(Let me know how that last bout turns out, won't you?)

(Del may have fought a world-devouring menace in not one but two Blob movies, but he's never squared off against Bahlactus...)

Friday Night Fights: That Rabbit's Dynamite

Bahlactus' Friday Night Fights are on again!

(From Welcome to Tranquility #7, by Gail Simone, Stephen Molnar & Dan Davis)

Friday Night Fights Addendum:

Since I can't make it to B.R.A.W.L. tonight or next week, here a bonus Friday Night Fight from outside the world of comics: Charles Nelson "Rocky" Reilly defeats Gene "Pushover" Rayburn!



(Always Blank on Bahlactus.)

Friday Night Fights: Play It to the Bone

It's time for Friday Night Fights again, and this time I have a bona-fide (or should I say "bonified?"--no, I shouldn't) comic-book battle royale for you. Our challenger is a real underdog...an incredibly scrawny fighter with no muscle mass whatsoever. Weighing in at 20 pounds, it's the Skeletal Smasher, Duncan Corley! For his first bout, taking his lightweight status into account, Duncan's pulling an Andy Kaufman and taking on a female opponent, Helen Cantler, the Ass-Kickin' Administrative Professional. And there's the bell!

Ew.

Rest assured, the crowd didn't like that display of bony brutality from the Muscle-less Misogynist...they're storming the arena...

Oh, the humanity! Another decisive (albeit messy) victory for the Calcified Crusher! Maybe a two-on-one match can take him down. Here come Gordo Brown and Shivvey Martin to have a go at him. You know with names like "Gordo" and "Shivvey," they've got to be really tough customers.

Or maybe not.

Is there no one who can defeat this Decomposed Destroyer? Wait! Here comes another challenger...why, it's none other than Vlad Tepes himself, the Undefeated Undead, DRACULA!

That's GOT to slow Corley down! But no, wait...he's still got some fight in him...





Is there no stopping this Headless Heavyweight? (Okay, I know, he still weighs in at 20 pounds, but I'm running out of alliteration.) Dracula's on the ropes...but wait...Drac seems to be rallying...yes, I think he's coming back...

The Winnah...DRACULA! (Wow, I never thought I'd be cheering for Dracula...)

(Scans from Tomb of Dracula #16, by Marv Wolfman, Gene Colan, & Tom Palmer.)

(Bahlactus feels it in his bones...)

Friday Night Fights: B.R.A.W.L. Week 2

Last week, Dad's Garage started the new season of B.R.A.W.L. (Battle Royale American Wrestling League), their improv-meets-wrestling show with actual wrestling ("Just like real wrestling, only fake"). I wasn't able to be there for the first week, but I just got back from tonight's show...and, for the benefit of the Dad's Garage audience and the world at large, I've decided to post a recap of the night's events as my contribution to Friday Night Fights. (Even though it's technically Saturday by the time the show ends and I get home to post about it.) It may not be comics, but it's still colorful characters fighting on Friday night... (And I'd imagine Bahlactus enjoys a night at the theatre...)

B.R.A.W.L. Week 2

In the opening match, the adorable-yet-nasty Little Bunny F-- You (daughter of the late Peter Rottentail and Scarietta) joined forces with Internet know-it-all Smarky Mark in a tag-team "Bee Positive Hive Match" against Manorexia (he of the disturbing physique and the even more disturbing sheer tights). When Manorexia discovered that the "Bee Positive Hive Match" was actually just a spelling bee ("mental wrestling"), he lashed out with a mammary chop to Bunny, and an eye-poke and a purple nurple to Mark. Bunny and Mark soon turned the tables and pinned Manorexia with a double Roman Pancake. As the penalty for losing, a swarm of bees was unleashed on Manorexia.

Ringside commentator (and former B.R.A.W.L. champion) Stephen Platinum was taken aback when his evil, goateed clone Steven Platinum went into the audience and started sweet-talking Stephen's pregnant wife Julie Platinum, giving her all the attention that Stephen had been neglecting.

Martha Von Hart , matriarch of the legendary Von Hart wrestling family, was giving a pep-talk to her son Davey-Boy Von Hart and his wife Diana Von Hart, when the mysterious half-woman/half-beast Feral Fawcett suddenly entered and attacked Diana in a vicious hair-pulling catfight. Davey-Boy pulled Feral off, but instead of fighting her, he turned his steroid-pumped rage on Diana in a disgusting display of domestic violence. Not one to stand for that, Diana responded with a hurricarana...which proved fatal for Davey-Boy. Totally justified.

Meanwhile, current champion The Noble Savage gloated over last week's victory over Zirconia (whom he defeated by tearing out her throat--she'll be laid up for a while but is doing nicely, thank you). Stephen Platinum and his co-commentator Cowboy Ross Gordon challenged the Savage to fight a classic old-school tag-team to be revealed later.

Former champion turned heartless rich bastard Chad Champion encountered the incredibly swollen (and thus even more disturbing) Manorexia...and threw a fireball at him just for fun.

Little Bunny F-- You and Feral Fawcett met for the first time, and immediately recognized their common bond as human/animal hybrid freaks. The orphaned Bunny accepted Feral as a mother figure, and they decided to join forces for revenge on the opponents who killed Bunny's parents: Chad Champion and Ground Zero, American Hero...plus referee Straightlaced Billy Tyler, whom Bunny blamed for not stopping the match.

Meanwhile, Straightlaced Billy Tyler was getting a tongue-lashing from his disappointed mentor, Professor D.Q. McGillicutty, who warned Billy that if he didn't shape up as a referee, he'd be replaced. Afterwards, boxer-turned-wrestler Heartmurmur Sampson encouraged Billy to stand up for himself. Heartmurmur told Billy that, if he ever needed help, he could just say the code-phrase "potato rings," and Heartmurmur would come running, fists a-flashin'.

Stephen Platinum apologized to Julie for paying too much attention to work and not enough to her. In the middle of his apology, Steven Platinum came up from behind and smashed a chair across Stephen's back.

Finally, the time came for the big match: The Noble Savage versus the old-school tag-team duo...of Kid 'n Play. This wasn't the old-school team that anybody had expected, but the Savage soon learned that underestimating them was a mistake. They unleashed a barrage of forearm smashes against the Savage's torso, before kicking him down to the mat. However, while Kid 'n Play were preoccupied with their victory dance, the Savage recovered. Grabbing Kid by the high-top fade, the Savage lifted him in a bodypress, followed by a backbreaker. The Savage then took down Play with a kick to the abdomen, put him in a headlock, and snapped his neck.

The winner and still champion: The Noble Savage!