Fish-Flavored Baseball Bat

It's a John Cleese reference.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Friday Night Fights: Play It to the Bone

It's time for Friday Night Fights again, and this time I have a bona-fide (or should I say "bonified?"--no, I shouldn't) comic-book battle royale for you. Our challenger is a real incredibly scrawny fighter with no muscle mass whatsoever. Weighing in at 20 pounds, it's the Skeletal Smasher, Duncan Corley! For his first bout, taking his lightweight status into account, Duncan's pulling an Andy Kaufman and taking on a female opponent, Helen Cantler, the Ass-Kickin' Administrative Professional. And there's the bell!

Rest assured, the crowd didn't like that display of bony brutality from the Muscle-less Misogynist...they're storming the arena...

Oh, the humanity! Another decisive (albeit messy) victory for the Calcified Crusher! Maybe a two-on-one match can take him down. Here come Gordo Brown and Shivvey Martin to have a go at him. You know with names like "Gordo" and "Shivvey," they've got to be really tough customers.

Or maybe not.

Is there no one who can defeat this Decomposed Destroyer? Wait! Here comes another challenger...why, it's none other than Vlad Tepes himself, the Undefeated Undead, DRACULA!

That's GOT to slow Corley down! But no, wait...he's still got some fight in him...

Is there no stopping this Headless Heavyweight? (Okay, I know, he still weighs in at 20 pounds, but I'm running out of alliteration.) Dracula's on the ropes...but wait...Drac seems to be rallying...yes, I think he's coming back...

The Winnah...DRACULA! (Wow, I never thought I'd be cheering for Dracula...)

(Scans from Tomb of Dracula #16, by Marv Wolfman, Gene Colan, & Tom Palmer.)

(Bahlactus feels it in his bones...)

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