One of my favorite novelty Christmas songs is one I heard years ago on
The Rev. Susie the Floozy's radio show,
Bob's Slacktime Funhouse, on Georgia Tech's
WREK station. However, in all that time, I've never been able to find out who did the song...nor have I ever encountered anybody (apart from Rev. Susie herself) who's ever heard it. Here, then, for your edification (digs out old cassette tape to transcribe lyrics)..."Christmas Ameoba."
(To the tune of "O Come All Ye Faithful," obviously.)
O come, all ye formless,
Myriad and tiny,
You split personalities
That mu-u-ultiply.
Split into millions,
Serve no useful function,
With pseudopod mitosis,
And minuscule neurosis,
Too simple for psychosis,
Split and be free.
Come, have a plateful,
We ordered a crateful,
We knew you'd be grateful,
We knew you'd be here.
Cranberry sauce,
The recipe was lost,
And will you say the blessing
Before you eat your dressing?
No, I don't mind confessing
I stuffed it myself.
Yea, Lord, we greet thee,
Honor and defeat thee,
Mimic, repeat thee
The best that we can.
Glory is God,
I know that that sounds odd,
But consider our position,
Our complex inhibitions,
That strange eruditon,
The mind of Man.
Christmas amoeba,
One will fill your stocking
If it is watertight
And if you don't mind.
Mind over matter
Makes a protozoan,
Benide cite cilia,
Agape, eros, philia,
And if I ask ya, will ya
Under the tree?
(Having little grasp of Latin, I'm unsure about that closing verse; phonetically, it went: "Beh-NEE-day SEE-tay SILL-ya," so I hope I've managed an approximation of it.)
The most astounding thing to me is that, when I searched for information on this song, I did indeed get several search results for "Christmas Amoeba"...but they all pertained to a track on the children's album "
Mr. Nicky's Science Project." What are the odds of there being TWO Christmas amoeba songs?
