Fish-Flavored Baseball Bat

It's a John Cleese reference.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Charles Nelson Reilly: Rest in Blank

I had just finished watching the "Match Game" rerun on GSN (as I do whenever my schedule allows), then went on-line as soon as it was over...and the first thing that came on my screen was the sad news of Charles Nelson Reilly's passing. Here, then, is an assortment of some of his finest moments.

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Saturday, May 26, 2007

What I Sang 5-26

Just one song tonight:

"The Immigrant Song" by Led Zeppelin. (Okay, so the only part I could really remember was the scream...but that's pretty much all you need.)


Friday Night Fights: B.R.A.W.L. Week 2

Last week, Dad's Garage started the new season of B.R.A.W.L. (Battle Royale American Wrestling League), their improv-meets-wrestling show with actual wrestling ("Just like real wrestling, only fake"). I wasn't able to be there for the first week, but I just got back from tonight's show...and, for the benefit of the Dad's Garage audience and the world at large, I've decided to post a recap of the night's events as my contribution to Friday Night Fights. (Even though it's technically Saturday by the time the show ends and I get home to post about it.) It may not be comics, but it's still colorful characters fighting on Friday night... (And I'd imagine Bahlactus enjoys a night at the theatre...)

B.R.A.W.L. Week 2

In the opening match, the adorable-yet-nasty Little Bunny F-- You (daughter of the late Peter Rottentail and Scarietta) joined forces with Internet know-it-all Smarky Mark in a tag-team "Bee Positive Hive Match" against Manorexia (he of the disturbing physique and the even more disturbing sheer tights). When Manorexia discovered that the "Bee Positive Hive Match" was actually just a spelling bee ("mental wrestling"), he lashed out with a mammary chop to Bunny, and an eye-poke and a purple nurple to Mark. Bunny and Mark soon turned the tables and pinned Manorexia with a double Roman Pancake. As the penalty for losing, a swarm of bees was unleashed on Manorexia.

Ringside commentator (and former B.R.A.W.L. champion) Stephen Platinum was taken aback when his evil, goateed clone Steven Platinum went into the audience and started sweet-talking Stephen's pregnant wife Julie Platinum, giving her all the attention that Stephen had been neglecting.

Martha Von Hart , matriarch of the legendary Von Hart wrestling family, was giving a pep-talk to her son Davey-Boy Von Hart and his wife Diana Von Hart, when the mysterious half-woman/half-beast Feral Fawcett suddenly entered and attacked Diana in a vicious hair-pulling catfight. Davey-Boy pulled Feral off, but instead of fighting her, he turned his steroid-pumped rage on Diana in a disgusting display of domestic violence. Not one to stand for that, Diana responded with a hurricarana...which proved fatal for Davey-Boy. Totally justified.

Meanwhile, current champion The Noble Savage gloated over last week's victory over Zirconia (whom he defeated by tearing out her throat--she'll be laid up for a while but is doing nicely, thank you). Stephen Platinum and his co-commentator Cowboy Ross Gordon challenged the Savage to fight a classic old-school tag-team to be revealed later.

Former champion turned heartless rich bastard Chad Champion encountered the incredibly swollen (and thus even more disturbing) Manorexia...and threw a fireball at him just for fun.

Little Bunny F-- You and Feral Fawcett met for the first time, and immediately recognized their common bond as human/animal hybrid freaks. The orphaned Bunny accepted Feral as a mother figure, and they decided to join forces for revenge on the opponents who killed Bunny's parents: Chad Champion and Ground Zero, American referee Straightlaced Billy Tyler, whom Bunny blamed for not stopping the match.

Meanwhile, Straightlaced Billy Tyler was getting a tongue-lashing from his disappointed mentor, Professor D.Q. McGillicutty, who warned Billy that if he didn't shape up as a referee, he'd be replaced. Afterwards, boxer-turned-wrestler Heartmurmur Sampson encouraged Billy to stand up for himself. Heartmurmur told Billy that, if he ever needed help, he could just say the code-phrase "potato rings," and Heartmurmur would come running, fists a-flashin'.

Stephen Platinum apologized to Julie for paying too much attention to work and not enough to her. In the middle of his apology, Steven Platinum came up from behind and smashed a chair across Stephen's back.

Finally, the time came for the big match: The Noble Savage versus the old-school tag-team duo...of Kid 'n Play. This wasn't the old-school team that anybody had expected, but the Savage soon learned that underestimating them was a mistake. They unleashed a barrage of forearm smashes against the Savage's torso, before kicking him down to the mat. However, while Kid 'n Play were preoccupied with their victory dance, the Savage recovered. Grabbing Kid by the high-top fade, the Savage lifted him in a bodypress, followed by a backbreaker. The Savage then took down Play with a kick to the abdomen, put him in a headlock, and snapped his neck.

The winner and still champion: The Noble Savage!

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Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Power Girl's Theme Song

"I'm Wearing an Orange Tank Top" by Anna NicoleMiner's Daughter. (The song'll start playing when you follow the link to the band's MySpace page.)

"You might have a chance with me
If you'd look me in the face.
Not bitter, just fed up with you,
Where'd I put my mace?"

Okay, so that last line makes it more like Hawkgirl's theme song...but the rest of it always makes me think of Kara.

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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Promotion, Self- and Otherwise

It's going to be a pretty busy weekend for me: Thursday night will be yet another performance of "Free Parking" at Dad's Garage, which promises to be a lot of fun. (One of the highlights of the rehearsal, without wanting to give too much away: Eve Kreuger will be appearing as "Biffy the Werewolf Shooter" in one sketch. Now how can you resist that?)

Then, on Friday night, I'll be going to see Anna NicoleMiner's Daughter (not to mention Rock City Dropouts and Black Daniel's) at the 10High. They're always good for a fun, high-energy concert.

Busy, but oh-so-enjoyable.

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Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Make This Into a Statue

Okay, I'm sure most of you have read about The Big MJ Statue Controversy already...I just wanted to share this image of Peter Parker, the Spectacular Naked Maitre D' as an antidote.

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Saturday, May 12, 2007

What I Sang 5/12

A very '80s night (with a bit of '70s thrown in) at CB South:

"Veronica" by Elvis Costello (the source of my last post's title)
"Sweet Talkin' Woman" by Electric Light Orchestra
"Kids in America" by Kim Wilde
"Don't Pay the Ferryman" by Chris DeBurgh
"Heat of the Moment" by Asia


Thursday, May 10, 2007

A Carefree Mind of Her Own With a Devilish Look in Her Eye

Yeah, yeah, Countdown, multiverse, major changes, yadda yadda...but what about the really important book that hit the stands this week: Betty & Veronica Double Digest #151?

I picked it up, and thought it was an interesting experiment to have a typical Archie story drawn in a (relatively) more realistic style. I was, however, a little irritated by the fact that we didn't get to see Archie himself (or Jughead or Reggie...let alone Mr. Weatherbee or Miss Grundy) in the new style, and will have to wait for the next chapter. What a tease... (True, we do get a glimpse of Archie on the inside back cover's preview of the next few covers.) I did get a kick out of the movie posters for "The Web" and "Madhouse"...I'm always a sucker for an in-joke.

Unfortunately, while a "straight" Archie story was, as I said, a neat idea, I just wasn't that impressed by the artwork itself. Almost immediately after reading the issue, I realized who the perfect artist would have been for a "realistic" Betty & Veronica story.

Man, I wish Stan Drake was still alive...

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Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Shameless Self-Promotion

This week, the Thursday night "Improv Revolution" show at Dad's Garage Theatre will feature the return of the scripted sketch-comedy show "Free Parking"...and I'll be writing and performing in a few bits of it. The opening show will feature the awesome collective talents of Brian Bannon, Matt Horgan, Brian King, Megan Leahy, Tiffany Morgan, Matt Myers, Amber Nash, Steve Platinum, Spencer Stephens, and Sloane Warren. Now that's a great line-up!

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Saturday, May 05, 2007

Marvel's Earth-25

Over at Pretty, Fizzy Paradise, Kalinara has been exploring a number of ideas for a gender-swapped JSA, positing their existence on the as-yet-unexplored world of Earth-25. Coincidentally, a while back I had contemplated the possibilities of a few parallel-universe female counterparts for some Marvel characters, but had never gotten around to posting them. (I hadn't yet started my blog when I first came up with the ideas, and had almost forgotten them until Kalinara's posts gave me the impetus to actually share them.)

There is a kind of a theme to the characters I've chosen, in that the mainstream Earth-616 versions were all supporting characters who came to untimely (and sometimes totally gratuitous) ends. However, in this universe, they've got a second chance to establish themselves. Out of the refrigerator and ready for action!


In Earth-616, Janice Cord was the daughter of munitions manufacturer Drexel Cord, whose resentment for Stark Industries led him to create a robot capable of battling Iron Man. After her father realized what a serious threat he’d created, he sacrificed himself to destroy it. After her father’s death, Janice Cord became romantically involved with Tony Stark, while simultaneously keeping her hand in at Cord Industries. Unbeknownst to her, the head scientist at her corporation, Alex Niven, had not only fallen in love with her, but was also the Soviet agent Alex Nevsky, a.k.a. the Crimson Dynamo. Shortly after Nevsky revealed his identity and professed his love for her, Janice tried to break up a fight between Iron Man and the Crimson Dynamo…unfortunately, at that moment, the Titanium Man unleashed an energy blast at the three of them, killing Janice (though the armored combatants were unharmed).

In another universe, however, Nevsky noticed the Titanium Man preparing to attack, and took the full force of the blast, giving his own life to protect Janice. Emotionally torn by his sacrifice, coming so soon after his declaration of love, Janice broke off her relationship with Tony Stark. When the legal department of Cord Industries determined that Nevsky had created the Crimson Dynamo armor while in their employ (albeit secretly), the armor became Cord property. In honor of his memory, Janice Cord became the new Crimson Dynamo, turning the name of the Communist warrior into a capitalist heroine, Cord Industries’ answer to Iron Man. (This caused a great deal of embarrassment to the Soviet Union, and she often had to battle Soviet villains out to reclaim the armor.) She remains a friendly rival to Tony Stark in both business and heroics, not suspecting that her dual identity mirrors his own.


When Frank Castle’s wife and children were killed after witnessing a mob hit in the park, the Vietnam veteran snapped. Vowing revenge on all criminals, he became a heavily-armed, highly-efficient killing-machine vigilante.

In another world, it was Maria Castle, rather than her husband, who was the sole survivor of the massacre. However, she channeled her her rage and grief in a more positive direction. Putting herself through law school, she eventually developed a reputation as one of New York’s most determined, relentless prosecutors, earning the nickname “The Punisher.”


In the 1950s, the Chinese criminal mastermind known as the Yellow Claw was often foiled by his own great-niece Suwan, who was torn between her family loyalty, her love for FBI agent Jimmy Woo, and her own moral character. Eventually, the Yellow Claw placed her in suspended animation for decades, until he found a way to infuse her with the spirit of an ancient Egyptian princess, in order to grant Suwan the princess’ ambition and make her a worthy successor to the Claw. However, the spell worked only too well; the now-ruthless Suwan took revenge for her suspension by shooting her great-uncle. Although gravely wounded, the Yellow Claw managed to catch up with the fleeing Suwan and repeated the spell to transfer the princess’ spirit into himself. As the ancient life-force left her body, Suwan rapidly grew old and crumbled to dust, even as the Yellow Claw’s wound healed.

In an alternate reality, Suwan opted to kill her great-uncle instantly, rather than leave him to die slowly. Making her escape, she took over the Yellow Claw’s empire, assuming his title as her birthright. She has even begun taking the Claw’s immortality serum to preserve her youth, causing her to take on the same skin discoloration as her predecessor and sealing her claim on the name.

(Note: I wrote the above concept before the Agents of Atlas series, which re-imagined the Yellow Claw as the Golden Claw. The final issue of the mini-series hinted that Suwan might return in a future Agents of Atlas story...which is actually plausible, since her "death" occurred in a storyline that was all about spirit-transference. We'll just have to see what transpires...)

Those were the only ones I'd worked out in detail, but there are many more possibilities...others that occurred to me, but which I haven't fully fleshed out:

Danny Rand's half-sister Miranda gaining the power of the Iron Fist. (Okay, so she didn't actually die way back in Iron Fist #2...but she'd still be cooler as Iron Fist than as Death-Sting.)

What if astronaut/scientist Ann Beckley had been piloting the Spaceball Firewatch, instead of her husband Stephen Beckley? We'd have Comet Woman! (Not sure what name we'd actually use for her..."Comet Woman" is awkward, "The Comet" and "Captain Comet" are already taken, and feminizing the word to "Comette" or "Cometta" just comes across as too cutesy for an intelligent adult woman. The halo of a comet is called the "Coma"...which would be a cool-sounding name, but everyone would think of the more common definition. The best I can come up with is "Dr. Comet.")


Friday, May 04, 2007

April March Summarizes 52 #52

I know where you go,
You go on your own,
Somewhere just as cold
As spaces between the stars.
No need to go that far...

You know where you are,
Where you are today.
Look up at the sun,
Nothing's in the way.
Skies are clear today...

So say it (say it, say it, say it, say it, say it...)
Zero zero's over,
The sun is watching over you today.

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Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Tom Poston: One Cool Guy

You may have already read the sad news of Tom Poston's passing. I just wanted to share the story of my brief interaction with him, and how impressed I was with him.

Several years ago, I went through an autograph-collecting phase where I wrote to a number of celebrities. When I wrote a fan letter to Tom Poston, not only did he send an autographed photo, but he included a funny note saying "Now you have my picture, but I don't have yours. Is that fair?" It may have been a form letter that he sent to all fans, but I thought it was really cool that he wanted to get to know his audience like that. I did indeed send him a photo of myself.

Shortly afterwards, I found four lobby-cards from the 1962 movie Zotz! at a movie memorabilia store. I sent them to Mr. Poston, and he not only signed them, but he wrote a humorous comment on each one. Now that was cool.

So, farewell to a really classy, friendly man, who was not only appreciated by his audience, but made them feel appreciated as well.